Dribble Drabble
by WolvesKey
Summary: A collection of ficlets based on the Akatsuki in unusual/normal circumstances. Mostly Humour. Rated T for language and easily misinterpreted situations.
1. Push!

**A/N: Greetings! Now I know I have a trillion other stories to finish off/continue on my laptop and on here, but I felt that a little variety was needed. This is going to be a collection of drabbles based around the Akatsuki. This idea had just come randomly to me and I thought; 'why not?' Anyway, most of these _will_ be humour; I want to make people smile and possibly laugh as well. These will be updated randomly (in other words whenever I can think of something decent to type)-which may not be often considering I'm working on _so_ many other stories of mine, haha! Anywho, hope you enjoy these little drabbles and don't forget to review-they are the icing on my cake and although I hate the cake; I _love_ the icing! :D **

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**(Deidara/Tobi)**

**"Push!"**

"Come on, Deidara-Senpai! You can do it!" Tobi cried to his partner in pure bliss.

Deidara began biting his lip-beginning to feel his energy slowly focusing at one point.

"Faster! Harder!" Tobi cried again, his voice still had that same perky, annoying ring to it.

In a bid to show how fast he could go, Deidara began pumping all his energy through his body; sweat began beading along his forehead.

"Y-you can do it! Push!" Tobi cried, his voice wobbling slightly.

Deidara ground his teeth, mentally thumping Tobi around the head, but was otherwise...engaged...

"H-hurry!" Tobi almost screamed loudly.

Annoyance rushed through Deidara, sweat trickled down the side of his face.

With a sudden burst of energy, he pushed the huge boulder covering the entrance to where the Akatsuki were meeting.

"Yay! We did it, Deidara-Senpai!" Tobi hopping about like a retarded frog, except this one had a swirly, orange mask, vacating where his face would normally be.

Deidara's eye twitched in annoyance, his shoulders sagged from loss of energy; his arms felt a little numb.

"You did _nothing_, hmm!"

Tobi skipped along inside and called back to him from within the cave "Hurry up-Senpai or we'll be late!"

Deidara groaned loudly, realising now that he had to somehow get the boulder back to where it was before.

Leader _so_ needed to make the entrance/exit much more accessible!

"You do realise, Senpai, you could've blown-up that boulder?" Tobi called from down the dark tunnel in the cave.

Deidara stood still, his eye twitching again, anger rushing through him as he suddenly let out a huge scream.

"TOBI YOU FUCKING ARSEHOLE! WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY IT SOONER?"

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**A/N: And there you have it; my first drabble! I wanted to start it off with a bang...kuku, literally. Thanks for reading, hope it was funny and at least put a smile on your face.**

**!Reviews are appreciated!**


	2. Luggage

**A/N: Well here's another little drabble that has been playing on my mind a **_**lot**_** recently, so I made myself sit down and finally type it out. Hope you enjoy! (Damn fireworks keep making me jump!)**

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**(Hidan/slight Kakuzu)**

"**Luggage"**

It was a sunny morning, the birds were chirping and the light breeze was warm.

Hidan was whistling to himself as he walked through the forest, feeling glad that he'd completed yet another tedious ritual to his God.

It was upon returning to the inn where himself and his partner; Kakuzu were staying that he came across an old lady struggling with her luggage.

He smirked inwardly and proceeded to walk past the old hag without a second thought or glance, until her gravelly voice screeched at him, making his ears ring from the pitch and his whistling ceased; 'what the fuck was that?' He thought sourly as his eyes almost bugged out of his sockets-looking round himself in alarm, before his gaze rested on the old hag and shouted "What the fuck is your problem ya old hag?"

The woman's eyes narrowed as she screeched back at him "Humph! Youngsters these days; no respect for their elders! You should be ashamed of yourself!"

Hidan rolled his eyes; 'so she's one of _those_ old hags, is she?'

He began secretly wishing that Jashin would strike her down with a random bolt of lightning and then be on his way for some brunch, but knew that realistically it wouldn't happen.

"Oi, let me tell you something wench, I ain't that young and why the fuck should I show respect to some old cow that can't even _ask_ for help _nicely_ like a _normal_ woman?" Hidan pointed out as he poked a finger in his ear to prove a point; his hearing was slightly fucked. "And what fucking old hag screeches like a bloody cat?"

She didn't look at all bothered by his insults "Very well, help me with my luggage and I'll pay you fifty pounds."

Hidan's eyes bugged out of his head at how much she was willing to give him for help; 'must be pretty fucking desperate, wonder how many losers she'd asked to help her before I came along?'

He looked her up and down; she was pretty short for a woman, her grey hair wrapped in a tight bun at the top of her head, her dull brown eyes hidden behind thin-owl-shaped glasses, her clothes consisted of a scraggy old purple dress with a dark grey cardigan and she wore those silly brown sandals. She barely reached his elbow and he was considered short for a man. Her baggage was almost as big as her.

'What the fuck is she even _carrying_ in that thing?' Hidan's eye twitched knowing that if he agreed, he'd have to carry that thing all the way to where ever the hell she needed to get too.

"How can I be sure that you're not gonna fucking pay me once I've helped ya?" He gave her a sceptical look.

The woman huffed in outright annoyance and snapped "And pray tell; how am I supposed to stop a brute like you from breaking into my apartment and rob me? You're a Ninja, I'm an old lady-not stupid."

Hidan sighed impatiently mentally disagreeing; 'if she weren't so fucking stupid she wouldn't ask for a complete strangers' help'.

Needless to say he _did_ help her-despite wishing otherwise and he got paid before having the door slammed in his face with a barely muttered 'thanks' from the old hag.

Even so, he had money and he'd _earned_ it, he couldn't wait to rub it in Kakuzu's face.

******MUCH-LATER-BACK-AT-THE-INN-WHERE-KAKUZU-HAS-BEEN-HIDING-AWAY-COUNTING-HIS-MONEY-ALL-THIS-TIME**-THE-PUSSY!

"So let me get this straight...you _helped_ an old lady with her luggage?" Kakuzu was now staring down at him with a rather contemptuous stare that almost threatened to shave Hidan's head clear off of his shoulders.

Hidan rolled his eyes for the seventh time; who knew explaining something _so_ bloody simple to someone who's supposed to be reasonably smart could be so damn difficult?

"For fuck sake-_yes!_" Hidan exclaimed.

Kakuzu growled, still looking as though he didn't believe him; though was definitely more upset that Hidan had spent his money on _more_ hair gel, food and alcohol rather than give it to him...for safe-keeping. Ahem.

Either way, Hidan considered that perhaps the day didn't turn out so bad after all.

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**A/N: I always pictured Hidan being bugged relentlessly by an old lady to help her with her bags, but didn't want to draw it out too long or else it wouldn't be considered a 'drabble'.**

**Many thanks to; 'PaperChild' for reviewing!**

**!Reviews are appreciated!**


	3. Seeds

**A/N: This idea has been circulating through my mind all evening and I just had to get it done! May I also warn you that there will some confusing terms in this drabble; fear not, most are pretty easy to understand-if not then use the internet as I did; cheating is fuuun :3**

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**(Zetsu)**

"**Seeds"**

Zetsu was not a normal human being-which was _very_ easy to guess just by his looks, but his personality...well, that was whole new kettle of fish.

"**We're buying the damn 'Begonia Double Trumpet Radiant Red' seeds-end of!**"

"_Don't be ridiculous! We've already got white and pink roses-we don't need any more, no; we're buying the poppy seeds-we haven't tried those for a while._"

"**Hmm, I suppose we could get some Opium out of it...**"

"_Oh no, we're not trying that again; it's the reason why we have to keep our garden secret._"

Zetsu shuffled along in the shop, both his red and golden eyes glancing over the many packets of seeds in a bid to find something they hadn't tried-as well as agree on.

Sometimes it was hard having two halves that were total opposites; both rarely agreeing on anything, always bickering, it was beyond the other members of Akatsuki how both Zetsu's managed to work _together_ during missions.

However, to normal civilians that had the misfortune of being in close proximity of Zetsu would immediately book an appointment with their therapist after hearing _two_ different voices _arguing_ with each other as if it were the most natural thing to ever occur.

"**What about some 'Amaranthus' seeds? The hang down quite nicely; be best to place them over the flowers that need shade.**"

"_We already have those and besides they take a bit of work, I prefer small shrubs-_"

"**And I would prefer to make some Opium from poppies to sell and make a fortune so we can make a bloody bigger garden that is well-protected from those damn caterpillars-but we can't have it all, so suck it up and find something else.**"

"_What do you have against shrubs?_"

"**What the hell do you have against making and selling Opium?**"

"_It's illegal and we lost our previous garden-which is much larger than the one we have now; may I remind you, but nooo, you had to go and show off your 'skills' and make money, sucking up to Kakuzu you are-_"

"**Only because he threatened to set fire to Mr. Bush-bush, I spent weeks finally shaping it into a mini-us and I had to do something-which is more than I can say for your 'Botanical Tulip' bulbs!**"

"_How dare you insinuate that I abandoned my babies-_"

"**You mean our babies, it's not just you that does all the work-I have to get your sorry arse motivated to shape the bushes into something other than stars and hearts; people would think you're gay.**"

"_And you're not?_"

"**None of your fucking business!**"

"_Ooh, do I hear someone being defensive?_"

"**No!**"

The lighter-half of Zetsu gave a chuckle "_That's what they all say_."

"**I still think we should buy some poppies-**"

"_You're changing the subject._"

"**And what's the harm in making and selling a little Opium?**"

"_Definitely changing the subject..._"

"**No one will ever need to know about it.**"

A sigh came from lighter-Zetsu "_Uh-huh, what about these?_"

Zetsu's lighter half held up a packet of 'Queen Mother Sweet Peas', allowing his darker half to get a better look at it.

"**Not really my thing...**"

"_Oh please? They are ever so pretty and look; they bloom well in full sunlight, I have just the ideal spot to place them._"

"**Fine, but only if I can choose something.**"

"_We're not buying poppies; discussion over._"

"**The discussion is never over; and who said I wanted poppies?**"

"_You've been harping on about them ever since I mentioned them._"

"**Well, I don't want poppies anymore, I think I want-**"

Both Zetsu's were cut off from their bickering by a chubby, middle-aged woman slamming her large hands down upon her counter-top, her face looked red and her green eyes narrowed at them with something akin to anger.

"Would you quit loitering in my shop and make up your damn mind; you're scaring away the customers!"

Both Zetsu's shifted their one perfectly synced body around themselves and found that the woman was right, an elderly man with greying hair and a walking stick quickly shuffled away from the aisle as soon as they looked in his direction, aside from him, everyone else had disappeared out of the shop altogether.

"_Oh, sorry ma'am, you see; we can't agree on what to buy-there are just so many choices-_"

The woman with greying red hair cut lighter-Zetsu off with a snarl "Sod your choices; just _leave already!_"

"**One moment; pig.**" Darker Zetsu snapped as they both turned away from the now hissing woman and in that moment his arm latched out and grabbed a couple packet of seeds, not looking too bothered by what they could be, instead just wanted to get out of the shop.

After paying and promptly leaving via. Shifting through the glass window and causing the female shop-keeper inside to faint, Light-Zetsu found himself growing curious.

"_So what did you pick up?_"

"**These.**" Dark-Zetsu held up two packets, one being 'Begonia Double Trumpet Radiant Red' and the other; 'Galanthus Nivalis' seeds. They looked very lovely.

"_Should've known you'd have gone for the roses, though I'm surprised you didn't swipe some of those 'Poppy Unwins Giant Coonara' seeds._"

"**...Those are hidden in our back pocket.**"

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**A/N: Haha! I just had to do one about Zetsu shopping for seeds, they'd be continuously arguing over which to pick and I could just imagine a bush in the shape of a mini-Zetsu. **

**Many thanks to 'Yuti-Chan' for reviewing!**

**!Reviews are appreciated!**


	4. Ariel

**A/N: This one came to my mind the other night and after I wrote it I thought it was so cute, so I decided to share it with you; enjoy!**

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**(Kisame)**

"**Ariel"**

A door opened in the darkened room and stepping into that room was none other than Kisame.

He was exhausted, having only just gotten back from a fortnight-long mission he was looking forward to some well-deserved rest.

But of course, all thoughts of rest must be forgotten until he does his usually daily chore...

After locking his door and setting his sword down against the wall next to his bed, he turned on the blue lamp that rested upon his desk and a toothy grin broke out on his face.

"And how is my beautiful Ariel doing today?"

His eyes rested upon the huge tank that ran across the length of his room, it was filled with sand, colourful rocks, seaweed and much other needed equipment to keep marine-life living. But it was what was _in_ the water-tank that always caught his interest.

His pet was a 'White Tipped Reef Shark' one of the smallest sharks to inhabit the seas and usually quite harmless; although Kisame would've loved to have had the 'Great White Shark' as a pet, he simply didn't have the room for it and especially didn't have the time to train it. So he settled for something more...conventional-well, for him at least.

His little shark was a female, he'd raised her from when she was only two years old and was roughly below forty inches-she'd been so cute and he couldn't resist purchasing her from a fisherman when he told him that he'd accidentally caught her mother as she was giving birth. Her mother had died soon after from shock, but his little Ariel remained.

He'd been raising Ariel for almost six years now and he knew she'd be ready for breeding soon, deep-down he felt bad for not releasing her back into the ocean-where she rightfully belonged, but he knew he'd just wait up at night worrying about whether she was really alright.

In a way she was the closest thing he had to a friend and he'd be lying if he didn't say he loved her.

Of course none of the other members-aside from Leader knew that he had a rather timid shark (unless provoked) residing in his room, he'd been bragging he had a 'Great White Shark' in his bedroom and that he had Leader's full-permission to let it eat anyone of them should they get on his nerves; they'd bought it without even asking for proof. Leader almost seemed to enjoy torturing the others with stories of Ariel as much as he did and that they were all strictly forbidden from entering his room.

He also assumed the others didn't bother sneaking into his room and actually asking how he managed to get a shark into their base without anyone-especially Kakuzu knowing about it because of his rather shark-like appearance which was another reason why he felt so close to Ariel.

He saw his little Ariel swimming towards the glass screen and he crept forward and placed his hand on the glass, muttering "You must be hungry, girl."

As he picked out a massive juicy, raw steak, ready to open the lid above and drop it in and watch her give over to her true-nature and rip it apart in pure hunger; he remembered the struggle he'd had with naming her.

He'd spent two whole days wandering around the base aimlessly-when he weren't busy taking care of his little shark trying to decide what name would be best suited for her.

At first he'd thought of; Bubbles (but thought it was a little silly and generic), then Aqua (which held too much irony for his liking and then Kisa (thought naming it after himself would make him a loser).

It'd only been when Tobi had prattled on about some book-who knew the lollipop could read? That he'd come up with a name; Ariel. And it suited her nicely.

She looked very satisfied with her meal, after he cleaned his sword; Samehada, he went back over to the tank, lifting the lid, she came up as she always did and allowed him to stroke her gently and it was times like these that Kisame felt so at peace.

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**A/N: I was actually going to write that Kisame had a pet goldfish, but thought that'd be a bit generic; a little shark suited him better-though if I'd had it my way, he'd have a 'Great White Shark'-only I didn't use it because of how unrealistic that would be, haha!**

**Many thanks to; 'Yuti-Chan' for reviewing!**

**!Reviews are appreciated!**


	5. Random

**A/N: Hi guys, I found this drabble in my documents and decided to share it with you. It's short and full of crack. It's done in RP-style, I thought a little variety was needed. Enjoy!**

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**(Akatsuki-minus Zetsu/slight Orochimaru/slight Kabuto/other characters mentioned)**

**"Random"**

**Pein: **Why...WHY did I AGREE to babysitting the Akatsuki?

**Konan:** Hey, I do all the cooking!

**Kakuzu:** I bring all the money in

**Hidan:** Fuck yeah! I...I...pray to Lord Jashin!

**Kakuzu:** You do NOTHING in other words

**Hidan:** Fuck you!

**Kakuzu:** You wish!

**Pein:** Eww...

**Konan:** I think it's kinda hot ;)

**Pein and Kakuzu:** O.O

**Hidan:** You horny bitch!

**Itachi: **I glare at the wallpaper and mind-fuck my younger brothers mind...it's awesome!

**Kisame:** I clean my sword, act manly, dumb and does whatever Itachi says

**Itachi:** Yeah, he's my bitch :3

**Pein:** Wrong-wrong-wrong!

**Deidara:** I blow shit up, yet make my art strangely cute at the same time :)

**Sasori:** It's not art, it's pathetic

**Deidara:** Why you-?

**Tobi:** Oooh, senpai! This little birdy is SO KAWAII!

*****Tobi glomps cute little birdy*****

*****Deidara grins sadistically whilst doing handsign behind his back*****

**Deidara:** Sure Tobi, whatever you say...

*****Tobi goes bang*****

**Orochimaru:** Hey! I was apart of this organization too!

*****Orochimaru sulks*****

**Kabuto:** How could you SAY that? I thought you loved me? I thought you genuinely cared about MY feelings!

**Orochimaru:** Y'know it's not like that baby!

**Kabuto:** Huh! That's what you said to Sasuke AND Itachi AND Kimimaru!

*****Kabuto runs away wailing like a girl*****

**A/N: I must've been high on sugar when I typed this, lol**

**!Reviews are appreciated!**


	6. Moan

**A/N: Hi guys, sorry I took so long getting this one out, but here it is-please don't be put off the title, I did try with this one though...probably failed T_T Enjoy!**

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**(Hidan/Deidara/Kisame/Orochimaru/Slight OC)**

"**Moan"**

Kisame, Deidara and Hidan were all stood outside the one room they knew they never wished to enter and it was from that very same room that strange moans were omitting; causing them to shiver in disgust.

"I should've known _he'd_ do something like this!" Kisame exclaimed in a murmur so as not to draw any unwanted attention their way.

"The poor thing, hmm...probably doesn't even realise what he's doing..." Deidara mumbled.

"What the fuck should we do?" Hidan was mostly asking himself aloud, but wasn't offended when Kisame shrugged and replied "Well, the best thing to do would go in there and stop what he's doing...though I'm pretty sure it'll scar us forever."

Deidara nodded in agreement; whilst Hidan huffed "And telling the others would be a waste of our fucking time, since Kakuzu doesn't give a shit, and Leader's no doubt busy with the whore-" Deidara cut him off with a sigh "That's not very nice, hmm."

Hidan snorted "Well, it sucks to be _her_ then, don't it?"

"Enough, we need to decide who's going in first." Kisame looked at the two in question.

"You're the one that said we _should_ go in, so you'll go in first." Hidan answered his arms across his chest as he nodded in approval at his own answer.

Kisame blinked at the masochist, feeling a strange urge to throw him _through_ the door and into a very uncomfortable situation before legging it out of there with the satisfaction of knowing it'd be _Hidan_ to get the blame and not him.

For a moment he actually did consider it, before he felt four hands on his back, pushing _against_ him.

Kisame glanced down at Hidan and Deidara huffing and puffing; trying desperately for him to move, they looked as though they were using all of their strength, their faces red. Still, Kisame remained rooted to the spot.

Raising an eyebrow, he took one large step forward and watched as they both fell flat on their faces, both cursing and whining, Kisame snickered at the sight, before going to the door, counting to three.

**_One...two...THREE!_**

He thrust open the door just as Hidan and Deidara jumped to his sides and all of their eyes went wide as dinner plates.

"Oh yes! _Yes!_ Mmm, more, do that again! Ahhh...!" Orochimaru's voice became an octave higher and louder as he moaned to the Heaven's above.

Kisame felt himself pale, Hidan gagged and Deidara fainted at the sight.

The young boy that'd been taken in Orochimaru's room two days prior was definitely still alive and was astride Orochimaru's lower-back as the creepy, snake-like man was naked as the day he was born and laid chest down upon one of his many desks that he used for experiments. But it was what the boy was _doing_ that made it look all the worse.

The said boy was _massaging_ Orochimaru's bare back with what looked to be baby oil and the said man was _drooling_ at the pleasure.

Kisame slammed the door within seconds of opening it, still rooted to the spot.

"I think it's safe to assume the boy will survive just fine..." Kisame muttered, eye twitching as the memory replayed over and over in his mind.

Hidan gagged again before pressing a hand to his stomach as he walked away "I'm gonna be fucking sick...must pray to Jashin...must cleanse disturbing thoughts...must..."

His mumblings were soon unheard of before he disappeared amidst the dark corridors.

Kisame managed to pry his hand from the door handle with the intent of heading towards the kitchen for some strong coffee, but was stopped as he tripped over a still unconscious Deidara-subsequently knocking his head on the wall before he too passed out.

**INSIDE-THE-PEADOPHILES-ROOM-OF-DOOM-HAHA-THAT-RHYMED!**

"Master, did you hear something?" The boy perked up as he could've sworn he heard a thump against the wall.

"I heard nothing, now hurry up and massage me, boy...then the _real_ fun begins..." A creepy laugh echoed throughout the room.

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**A/N: Looks as though Kisame's assumption was wrong, lol! I think this one kinda sucked, but I thought that it wouldn't hurt to base one upon Orochimaru since he was once a part of Akatsuki :)**

**!Reviews are appreciated!**


	7. Curfew

**A/N: This one is completely random, I just thought that since the weather has been **_**freezing**_** lately, that this would hopefully warm you up :) Enjoy!**

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**(Itachi)**

"**Curfew"**

Hot, brown liquid was poured into a tea cup, almost spilling over the brim.

Itachi placed his teapot down on a coaster and after carefully blowing at the steaming liquid, he took a sip, the warmth of the tea moving throughout his body-making him shudder in ecstasy; such pleasure could not be found when laying with a woman.

His eyes caught onto the cheap green clock hung on the kitchen wall above the kettle that he'd used to heat up the water for his teapot. The time read; 3:25pm, it was always around this time of day that he would stop for a nice hot cup of tea and perhaps a biscuit or two-depending on his mood and appetite.

It was well-known amongst the other members that Itachi valued this time to himself; the others rarely disturbed his tranquil silence unless it was for urgent matters that couldn't wait and needed his assistance.

It was also well-known of his obsession with tea...and his china. He made no effort to hide the fact that he collected rare pieces of china and actually had a display cabinet full of them in his bedroom. He was very proud at his little hobby, he'd done surprisingly well and his collection was steadily growing.

Deidara, Hidan and Zetsu had all made snarky comments and jibes in hopes of making him snap at them, but he paid no heed. Everyone had their own little hobbies. His happened to be collecting china and on occasion reading.

Pein, Kisame, Kakuzu and (once-upon-a-time) Orochimaru had never understood _why_ he would want to collect things so valuable and expensive, whereas Tobi, Konan and (once-upon-a-time) Sasori had understood perfectly well of his tendencies to buy artistic and very dainty china pieces.

Otherwise, he chose to ignore any false and degrading comments (his ego was too big to allow the insults of _commoners_ to make him feel down), it was his hobby and he knew for a fact that he weren't the only one with a strange hobby-but that was a story for another day.

He sighed in contentment; yes, this was definitely worth living for.

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**A/N: Well, there you go, a little insight into Itachi's true character, haha! I will post up the others' hobbies eventually, but for now just enjoy the randomness my (usually) sugar-induced mind has to offer ;) **

**Many thanks to; 'Yuti-Chan' and 'tobi is a lollipop' for reviewing!**

**!Reviews are appreciated!**


	8. Toothpaste

**A/N: OMG! I'm SO sorry for not updating this sooner! I've had so much going on and writer's block is such a bitch to get rid of! I don't know why I thought of this or why I typed another Deidara/Tobi, I guess these two are easy to make fun of considering Tobi's mentality ;) Enjoy!**

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**(Deidara/Tobi/slight Itachi)**

"**Toothpaste"**

Deidara sighed in irritation.

Honestly, what had he done to God to deserve _this_? _Why_ was karma such a bitch as to garner revenge on him by slumping him with the most witless and disturbingly hyper _being_ known as Tobi, or as others _fondly_ named him; 'lollipop'.

Suited the bastard just fine with the stupid, eye-catching swirly mask. Concealing his identity-be damned! He was just asking for someone to come along and rip it off since it was such a bloody dead give-a-way when trying to remain _hidden_ and _camouflaged_.

But noooooo, Tobi couldn't do _silent_; he couldn't do anything without screwing it over ten times worse than it would ever be if he or anyone else fucked something up. How could brushing your teeth even be considered life-threatening?

"Senpai? Senpai? Senpai? Senpai? Senpai? Senpa-"

"WHAT NOW?" Deidara exploded, his face red as he glared with murderous intent at the lollipop whimpering in the corner of the blond bomber's bedroom and holding his hands in front of him _for defence_. What sort of a fucking Ninja was he?

"Erm...hi?" The lollipop mumbled nervously and giggled an octave too high that it made Deidara re-consider whom was the more feminine one of the duo.

"I. So. Fucking. Hate. You." Deidara snarled in pure disgust and rage as he turned his back on the masked man, folding his arms he began sulking like some child that didn't get that brand new toy they wanted from the shops.

"Ah, don't be like that Senpai! Tobi said he is sorry! I will buy you a new toothbrush and toothpaste and-"

"HOW ABOUT A NEW FUCKING BATHROOM?" Deidara screeched, his hands rushing through his tangled hair and gripped onto the knotted blond mess that will take _hours_ to clean, threatening to pull out the golden strands when he remembered that he no longer had a bathroom to clean his hair _in_. There was _no way_ in this lifetime that he was going to use Tobi's bathroom, the creeper will probably stalk him (-as usual) and watch him as he bathes (-which wouldn't surprise him in the slightest since he _always_ seems to know what is wrong with _his Senpai_).

Tobi ruffled his hair with his gloved hand and giggled nervously again and mumbled "W-well, Tobi doesn't know _how_ to fix bathrooms, I'm no plumber, but I'm sure if you ask around one of the others will know?"

"No." The blond bomber growled.

If he asked for help he'll have to return the favour and he didn't want to think what the twisted sicko's would want in return for their 'services'. He shuddered at the thought.

"Ah! I know, Itachi fixed Tobi's sink for Tobi, I'm sure he'll fix your bathroom?" But don't be fooled, Tobi didn't _convince_ Itachi to fix his sink, rather he was suckered into it, it seemed that thanks to Itachi giving Tobi a sugar drink to stop his whining, the lollipop had gone and broken his bathroom sink (-how he did that is anyone's guess) and therefore, to save costs, the Sharingan-user had to fix it; Leader's orders.

"Never! Not in this lifetime or any other. Damn, disgusting, Uchiha-_brat_, getting everything handed to him on a silver platter!" Deidara snarled, his loathing at the lollipop increased ten-fold at the mere suggestion of asking his arch-nemesis for help.

Tobi shrugged more to himself, before getting up, taking a strange 'heroic' pose and stating randomly "Tobi must go now, Senpai, I forgot to take my meds. But do not fear, Tobi shall return!"

Those were the exact words Deidara feared and soon his hope crushed into dust knowing that the damn masked man-child will never leave him in peace.

Yet, the blond bomber couldn't help but stare at Tobi as if he'd grown a second head (-something he found himself doing a _lot_ of lately) as he all but skipped from the room, humming to himself (-also usual).

Tobi was on meds?

Deidara snorted, it would explain a whole fucking lot of nonsense, Tobi is mental; that's all there was to it.

And even now; alone in his bedroom, Deidara glanced into his long mirror on his left wall and felt anger well-up in him once more, his entire face and hair was covered in toothpaste. Who knew that the lollipop was such a sneaky bastard as to put Deidara's own explosive clay inside his toothpaste?

Oh, there'd be hell to pay for this!

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**A/N: So there you have it, another random drabble. Hopefully, I won't take so long updating next time ;)**

**Many thanks to; 'Yuti-Chan', 'ylfrettub' and 'Dr. Stilla Live' for their reviews! You guys are awesome! :)**

**!Reviews are appreciated!**


	9. Sane?

**A/N: Hi guys! Here's another instalment and honestly, this may be my best one yet, so be prepared for insanity to the extreme. Enjoy! :)**

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**(Pein/mentions of other members)**

"**Sane?"**

Pein was sat lazily in his office, his feet rested upon his hand-crafted, mahogany desk, his head leaning on top of the swivel chair that he often loved to spin-on when bored and alone. No one could possibly gather that the powerfully stoic leader of the most wanted criminal organization _in the world_ was a child at heart.

He also loved playing games. His favourites being snakes and ladders and hide and seek. The latter he unknowingly played with the others-though they weren't aware of it, whenever they wished to speak with him. It was amusing to watch them get frustrated as they ran around in circles, practically chasing him about the base.

He also loved petting kittens, Konan had a kitten, but then Orochimaru's snake found it and well...no more kitten. That had been the reason Orochimaru was kicked out of the Akatsuki. How _dare_ he harm a furry little kitten that only had its eyes set on being a nuisance-yet so adorably cute at the same time?

...But it also helped that Orochimaru had tried to take over Itachi's body or something like that, it gave him something more concrete to place the blame on. No one aside from himself and Konan were aware of the kitten incident.

Oh, then there was the alphabet magnets, oh boy! Did he _adore_ those things, even more than the kitten-dare he say it? They were so entertaining! He always put random messages or rather phrases on the fridge in the kitchen, allowing the others to stop and read. They all knew that the magnets belonged to him and often gave him looks that questioned his sanity.

Pein wasn't bothered by the looks, most of the guys here-including Konan were a little bonkers, but then, who would have fun being sane? Insanity is awesome! ...So long as they don't get carried away.

There was this one time that he'd smoked a spliff and all hell had broken loose! He had gotten a chainsaw and ran around the base waving it about whilst wearing a sombrero hat and screaming at the top of his voice. He didn't even know they had a chainsaw! The others had been petrified at their leader's insane chasing. Hidan had lost a limb- in which both he and Kakuzu was not happy about (especially since that meant Kakuzu had to stitch him back up), Deidara lost half of his ponytail, Zetsu lost his small hedge that was shaped into a mini-version of him...his wailing over...what was it called again? 'Mr. Bush-bush'? Something like that had been endless as he'd thrown himself at the hedge trying to fix it back together with tape and glue...and Itachi almost had his bangs along with his nose sliced off-luckily he'd dodged just at the right moment. The poser.

Suffice to say, no one ever spoke of the incident, it scarred them so terribly that the mere mention of it sent Zetsu into a puddle of a whimpering pathetic mass that with no amount of consoling-mostly upon Tobi's part could bring him out of his stupor.

After that, Konan had forbidden smoking of any sort in the base. Technically, none of them smoked, Pein had been bored and wanted to try something, Zetsu had supplied him the substance on the lie that he was selling it on to some other sucker-ahem, buyer. The walking plant-man had been none-the-wiser until it had been too late.

So after that, his next fix had been orange juice, it matched his hair and tasted refreshing. Yet it always gave him stomach pains and he ended up on the toilet for the best part of every evening, pooping like there was no tomorrow. Konan had also noticed this and had been force-feeding him tea, which was rather bland in taste and certainly did _not_ match his hair!

He eventually gave-up orange juice in light of a new hobby; darts. Of course, being the brilliantly clever genius that he is (not to mention outrageously drop-dead gorgeous), he placed the dart boards upon his office door. The result of this had been a dart in the eye for Hidan and a dart in the butt for Kisame who had managed to turn away at the last moment.

But there was one thing that topped all others and that was being worshipped. Of course, sexy little him had to be pampered and worshipped, that's why none of his comrades or rather followers had made any attempt to over-throw him for position as leader...or just to subdue him long enough to brainwash him into thinking he is a normal man and wants to sit around all day doing paperwork whilst munching on biscuits that tasted like some old guys' foot.

He was respected and loved by all! (in his head at least) He even ran his own city, though the name of it was boring and he was thinking of changing it to something catchy, though he had yet to come up with ideas, but it would definitely have the word; orange in it. Everyone loves bright orange. (Reminding you of a certain blond ninja, ne?) If the world was painted in orange tomorrow then there would be no more war and famine! Everybody would be hugging and dancing like the honest-to-God hippies that they are.

He may even get another chance to smoke a spliff!

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**A/N: Okay, honestly? I had no idea where this came from; I was just typing and then all of a sudden-WHAM-BAM-THANK-YOU-MA'AM! It hit me from behind, cos seriously? Everything is always **_**behind you**_**! Especially in horror films ;) So...I hope you liked my random crack-induced ficlet...I honestly haven't come to terms with it yet, lol!**

**Many thanks to; 'Yuit-Chan', 'ylfrettub', 'mewmewgodess' and 'Riayna Darkheart' for reviewing! :D**

**!Reviews are appreciated!**


	10. Spider

**A/N: Hiya! I'm back again with another instalment. So yeah, I've been pretty low lately because I had to quit my job; long story short, my boss cut my hours and gave one of my two shifts to another woman and I had to leave cos I wasn't earning enough. So now I'm back on Jobseeker's. Job-hunting AGAIN...'whee'!**

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**DISCLAIMER (wtf, this should've been done AGES ago!): I only own the various crack-induced plots for these various ficlets, along with Ariel and other random OC's that hold no consequence to any plotline other than to humour the reader and create realistic/unrealistic situations for our beloved Akatsuki members. Orochimaru not included.**

**(Kakuzu/Hidan/Mentions of others)**

"**Spider"**

Kakuzu groaned in frustration, he had been searching high and low all over the base, yet had been unsuccessful in finding his most treasured possession.

How he'd lost it in the first place completely baffled him; it'd just gotten up and walked off. How dare it?

His room was a complete tip, save for the shelves full of pink piggy banks that almost seemed to stare mockingly at him. He'd cursed at them for their judgmental stares; he'd done it before, so it wasn't anything new. Besides, it wasn't as if anyone was around to hear him talking-or rather cursing inanimate objects.

And neither was he the only one to do so. He could've _sworn_ he'd heard Kisame _muttering_ to his sword, Zetsu naturally talked to his plants-no doubt feeling some sort of connection to them and even _argued_ with himself and he'd even caught Hidan proclaiming sweet nothings to a poster of a _dragon_ in his own bedroom. They each seriously needed to learn to _shut_ their bedroom doors for ultimate privacy, yet somehow the concept evaded them completely.

It was on this day as he'd left his room for the second time to search around the base that he found himself grateful that most of the other members were out on missions, save for himself and Hidan. Luckily for him, the psycho-wannabe had locked himself away in his bedroom for some _alone-time_ with his dragon poster.

Kakuzu shivered in disgust at the thought. Oh, how he'd be seeing that image in his nightmares.

Before he knew it, two hours passed and still no sign of his most treasured possession.

With a sigh of defeat, Kakuzu slumped along to the kitchen to make himself a strong coffee; he could certainly use the energy.

Just as he rounded the doorway, he heard this almighty, high-pitched and definitely feminine-sounding screech. His heart sped-up and rushed into the kitchen expecting some terrifying assassin trying to kill Konan, only remembering in the back of his mind that she wasn't here and almost laughed outright at the sight of Hidan standing on the other side of the room, cowering behind a chair with a frightful expression on his face.

Instead, Kakuzu took a couple of deep breaths and cooled his expression. Glaring at the pale man, he snapped "What is it?"

Hidan's head snapped round, still looking absolutely petrified, his left hand slowly unlatched itself from the back of the chair to point on the other side of the room. His eyes followed and found himself staring at an open cupboard. All that was discernable was a box of chocolate chip cookies.

Kakuzu's eye twitched as did his fingers, they itched to squeeze around Hidan's throat, why did the stupid zealot have to make out something _terrifying_ was happening to him?

"You squealed like a five-year old _girl_ because of an _open cupboard_?" Kakuzu growled, his urge to laugh was gone and now, irritation flooded in-as did his rage and the urge to kill him or at least maim him grew.

"Oi-oi! Fuck you old man! I was surprised by this massive-arse spider-!" Hidan's voice cut off as Kakuzu's eyes widened and within a split second he was across the room in a whirlwind of banknotes and coins, peering into the dark cupboard with a scowl. Having not been successful in finding this _massive-arse_ spider, he moved the box of cookies carefully out of the cupboard and rested them upon the counter-top below. It was only then, that he found the object of his most treasured possessions.

The spider was not massive; in fact, it was a tiny in comparison to Hidan's over-exaggerated hysteria because of his phobia of spiders (it made it highly inconvenient when they had to camp out in the forest during missions.

The little spider was barely visible in Kakuzu's palm and it looked positively petrified. The poor thing visibly shook as its master's emerald eyes gleamed down at him in pure happiness as he exclaimed upon reaching out to pick him up "I've finally found you Petri! You should know better than to wander off without me!"

Now rested upon Kakuzu's hand and lifted up so that he was equal to his master's eyes, Petri's shaking became worse and made him look as though he were dancing with glee at his mater's arrival; oh how wrong Kakuzu was. After a mere couple of seconds, it gave out a little sigh and fainted.

Without a second thought, Kakuzu skipped merrily from the room, mumbling about how Petri would always give him luck with money because he's a _money_ spider. Sure, that made sense.

Meanwhile, Hidan remained hidden behind the chair; tears rolling down his cheeks, his face red as he struggled to keep his snickers down, the only thing he could exclaim as he hyperventilated was the spiders name in amusement.

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**A/N: Do not worry, little zombies, Petri shall return! For his contract demands more plotlines. On a serious note; I am very pleased with the responses I am getting in my reviews and am extremely happy that so many of you have blessed me with your honest and positive feedback :) That is why I am going to leave it to YOU-reviewers to decide which Akatsuki member I should write/type about next. The one with the most votes will be chosen, don't be shy now! ;)**

**Many thanks to; 'Yuti-Chan', 'mewmewgodess', 'Tori-Da-Mutt', 'ylfrettub' and Riayna Darkheart' for reviewing! :D**

**!Review are appreciated!**


	11. Fangirls

**A/N: Hi guys! Updating so soon? I know! What is **_**wrong**_** with me? Anyway, the voting was way off, no one voted for the **_**same**_** person, not even once. So I had to choose, but then I felt bad for not picking the others! So I've decided to do **_**all of them**_**. Except this one is first, this one was suggested to me by 'Tori-Da-mutt' and I chose this one first because she came up with a brilliant idea! But don't worry, little zombies, your other suggestions shall be completed very soon. Now go read! ;)**

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**MANY THANKS TO; 'Tori-Da-Mutt' THAT SUGGESTED THIS TO ME :)**

**DISCLAIMER: Seriously? If I owned Naruto it wouldn't have someone else's **_**fucking name**_** on the cover of the books! God gave you eyes, fucking **_**use**_** them!**

**(Kisame/Zetsu/Hidan/Itachi)**

"**Fangirls"**

How had it come to this?

Why were the two most unappealing characters from possibly the entire Naruto franchise sat together in the lounge room in _silence_?

Well, technically, Zetsu couldn't sit down, his fly-trap prevented him from doing so, and so, he remained half melded into the floor and half above ground level, he was now about as little as Sasori...or possibly smaller.

Anyone that'd walk past would pause to stare at Zetsu, though not actually realising it was the cannibal and instead wonder who'd brought such a large plant into the base? _Then_ they'd assume it was Zetsu who'd done so, when really it was Zetsu all along...yeah, talk about confusing. I think I need to grab a cup of coffee.

"Damn it Jessica! You're _not_ supposed to break the fucking fourth wall!" Hidan bellows from within the depths of Hell, a.k.a his bathroom, seriously, have you _seen_ how _clean_ it is in there? I shudder at the thought-

"You're fucking doing it _again_-bitch!"

Alright, fine, geez! I'll continue my monotonous narrating, don't bother to care about _my_ feelings, oh noooo, I'm perfectly fine and dandy-

"Ahem!"

With a sigh, the poor, hard-working, lonely and not to mention-_awesome_ narrator (and author) continues on with her job-as tedious as it is.

Hidan snorts from within the confines of Hell, he knew the author was anything but 'awesome', but rather a lazy, loud and easily-distracted fool of a woman. However, what Hidan hadn't come to realise was that the author had the effortlessly amazing gift of 'plotline changing', she could _so_ very easily change the outcome of any story and fate of a character, should she so wish it.

_Excellent_.

As the author is whistling away aimlessly, Hidan's leather thong has been set alight, yes fangirls, he wears a _thong_. But now, his screeching and cursing is the least of the plotlines concerns, because my dear rabid fangirls/readers, he is not supposed to be in this story, so now with the power invested in _me_-and me alone. I shall send him to..._Narnia!_

"Oh, _hell no-!_" And with that last screech from the zealot's mouth, he disappears in a cloud of pink and purple glitter to face one of the ultimate punishments. Doomed to remain wondering within snow-barren wasteland...except for some random fir trees, oh and the evil-looking ice castle down the road, you can't miss it! And you couldn't forget about the random talking animals that apparently are too stupid enough to just _find somewhere else to fucking live_ rather than allow some stupid bitch to freeze them to death and why do they follow a lion? Why not a penguin? Penguins are da bomb!

Ahem. Back to the story.

Anyway, after settling with a glass of Pepsi, the author continues with the rather interesting story that'd been presented to her inside a review. And boy, was she gonna regret typing this story. No longer would she question her insanity because she would be far gone within insanity to even wonder...

"Hey, Zetsu." Kisame greeted the plant-man-thing...seriously, what the fuck _is_ he? How the fuck was he created? Did his father fuck a plant? And what about birthing him? Jesus! That'd be painful for any mother-to-be trying to push something like _that_ out of their-

"_You're doing it again!_" Came the bitter cry from the Jashin-worshipper-_all the way_ from Narnia. And with this statement, the author made it so that rabid squirrels attacked him for no apparent reason other than for interrupting the author's monologues.

_Anyway_...

Zetsu didn't reply, but he did become rather tearful, _finally_, someone had noticed him!

"Err...hey, Zetsu...what's wrong man? Are you _crying_?" Kisame sat himself down on the sofa...after taking his _massive_ sword off of his back to rest it next to the sofa-but oh wait; Samehada has shaved it to pieces, so no more sofa. Instead, Kisame sits on the floor, feeling sad; for he'd liked that sofa, it even had some ketchup stains from the last time he ate a bacon, double-cheese burger, God, how I _love_ those things!

"_I keep hearing strange voices_!" Zetsu's lighter-half sniffled in fright, his eyes darting about around him "**It's just the narrator woman, she never fucking shuts up.**"

"Yeah, I keep hearing her voice as well...like the other day, I could've _sworn_ I heard her monologing about some nonsense with Itachi and his silly china collection and how much he likes _tea_ at a specific time of day..." Kisame scratched the back of his neck in confusion as he looked towards the ceiling.

"_That is weird_...**Yet...I'm not surprised, seriously, considering all of the whacky shit that happens in this stupid show, I'm just **_**waiting**_** for food to fall from the sky as it did in; 'Cloudy with a chance of Meatballs'. Best. Film. Ever!**" A strange grin fell across Zetsu's face and Kisame's eyebrow raised slightly at that as he asked "I thought you the type of guy(-_thing_) that liked horror and gory films?"

"_Well, yeah..._**but it makes us hungry, so we don't watch them anymore.**"

Kisame shivered internally, shifting a little further _away_ from them. After today, he'd make sure to never be alone with him again, he liked his liver where it was, thank you.

"_By the way, what are you doing here?_ **Thought you'd be with Itachi training or something?**" Both Zetsu's half-accused, though both secretly remained hopeful that they wouldn't be abandoned in light of some other hobby or person, the only other person that could stomach and even _adore_ his presence was Tobi...the man-child, speaking of which, where was the lollipop?

Kisame frowned and rolled his eyes "Nope, it seems Itachi has far _better_ things to do than spend time training with _me_, instead, he's answering fangirls' love-letters."

A snort came from the plant-man-thing as dark Zetsu replied "**Not at all surprised there-fucking poser**."

"I don't see why he bothers, I mean, all the other's get love-letters and chocolate and even underwear, hell, as far as I'm aware, Hidan _wears_ half of the stuff given to him, even if it's meant for girls, he has this dumb belief that you shouldn't _waste_ anything."

Zetsu's eyes widened dramatically "**Holy shit! **_You don't think Kakuzu has brainwashed him, do you?_"

Kisame sighed and shrugged "Honestly? It wouldn't surprise me; he's probably tried everything else imaginable to get him to stop wasting..."

'_Yep, definitely brainwashing'_, they all thought simultaneously.

"But my point _is_; everyone _else_ just ignores all of their fangirls and continues on as if nothing happened, but Itachi actually takes his time out to answer them."

"_What does he say to them?_" Light Zetsu asked in curiosity.

"Oh, he thanks them...and then tells them to burn in Hell, because they don't have enough _hatred_ to occupy his time." Kisame chuckles at the irony. Didn't Itachi say something similar to his younger brother right after he'd killed their family?

"**Humph! **_We don't have any fangirls..._" Light Zetsu sounded a little sad at the thought and Kisame merely grunted.

"Just be thankful, at least you haven't got to reply to the love-letters, find somewhere to put all of the gifts _and_ deal with all the stalkers."

"_But that sounds...well, nice? _**It would be nice to feel some fucking appreciation every once in a while!**" Both Zetsu's now glared openly at the blue man-shark-thing, and once again, may I draw your attention, what the fucking hell? No wait...

WHAT THE FUCKING HELL WERE YOU THINKING MASASHI KISHIMOTO? Honest to God! Do you have an animal fetish or something? Why the fucking hell do you create such bloody weird-looking characters? And why are half of your villains badly drawn-FEMININE-looking GUYS? Are you a secretly homosexual or a cross-dresser or something? Cos I'm picking up weird vibes from how OFTEN this is happening!

Ahem.

"We get no love." Kisame whimpered after hearing the narrator's/author's rant.

"_Wait!_ **You mean that you don't have any fangirls?**" Both Zetsu's sounded hopeful and intrigued by this, for it'd mean that at least he weren't the only one getting no love.

Kisame shifted uncomfortably under the scrutiny, scratching the back of his neck nervously, he replied "I did get a few, but none of them gave me gifts-I like chocolate! Why can't someone _give_ me chocolate instead of me having to buy some? What's so special about Itachi and the others? Seriously! It pisses me off, I actually have some talent and I don't get anything!"

Both Zetsu's watched as Kisame's eyes watered and rubbed his face furiously on the sleeve of his cloak.

'_It's because we're not good-looking or no doubt because we're not feminine-looking to be liked, the others always get all of the attention just because they're pretty boys and yet they're so rude.' _The two Zetsu's thought simultaneously, feeling a little down-trodden at the obvious fact.

'_Oooooh! Masashi Kishimoto, why did you have to make me look like a love-child gone-wrong? All I want is a nice and pretty girlfriend! I'd treat her well, she would be protected and adored, she would need not fear anything or anyone and she'd never want for nothing! And yet you curse me, damn you Masashi Kishimoto, I'm going to rip your balls off and-' _***THE REST HAS BEEN CENSORED AS IT IS SIMPLY TOO AWESOME-I MEAN! TOO 'SCARY' AND 'TRAUMATISING', SERIOUSLY? YOU'RE ALL A BUNCH OF PANSIES, HONEST TO GOD! I WATCHED FUCKING 'DIE HARD' WHEN I WAS NINE! GROW-UP!***

"_If it helps any_...**We never get any fucking presents, though we did get this letter once...**_It was creepy as sin..._**and that's something coming from us! **_It was from a male fan strangely enough and he was, well..._**he was fucking queer as Hell, if he'd been in the same room as me, I'd have gutted him for sure**..._It has been a while since we last played with our victim..._" The two voices continued to mumble to each other and Kisame merely stared at them with a dead-pan expression.

"Uh-huh...but at least it was _something_, I mean, it's better than nothing-right?" Kisame attempted to move them away from any thoughts of disembowelment to possible innocent fan_boy_ civilians.

They both stared at him as if he'd grown a second head, before black Zetsu gave a slight "**Meh**," sound, neither to indicate agreement or disagreement.

"Looks like Itachi is gonna be holed-up in his room for a few more hours, despite not talking much, you'd be surprised at how talkative he is towards the fans...even if he is telling them to kill themselves." Kisame winced at the thought, those poor fans; no doubt they were expecting some lovey-dovey heart-shaped card returning back with an Itachi 'plushy' or is it spelt 'plushie'?

Seriously, it shouldn't be spelled 'plushie' unless it's a plural (meaning more than one of any given thing for all you slow people out there). Ah, what the heck, it's a stupid name anyway.

"_How does he even respond to all of those letters? _**He'll be lucky to make on-time for dinner!**" Both Zetsu's looked to him for an answer, as if he were God or something-which he is _not_. I am. In my stories, I am God, because I decide their fates, mwuhahahaha! I'm so _evil_!

"YOU'RE DOING IT AGAIN YOU STUPID BITCH!" Hidan's echoing bellow only makes the narrator/author smirk further as she sends horny gorilla's to chase after the potty-mouthed Jashinist to hump him raw. Of course, not realistically, just against his clothed leg or something, because unfortunately for you little zombies, this fic is rated Teen +, however, fortunately for Hidan, he won't be suffering any anal rape by oversized monkeys.

Damn furries!

"Da-yum! That narrator-chick has really got it in for Hidan!" Kisame smirked at the sound of Hidan's girly screams until the narrator/author flicked on the mute button.

And we're back!

"Oh, he uses a computer, it's quicker and cheaper that way, I guess." Kisame shrugged, not really interested, he didn't know how to use a computer, he didn't want to either, he hated them.

"**Wait!**_ We have a computer?_"

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**A/N: Wow, some serious crack there man, I honestly don't know what exactly happened, one moment I was typing something awesome and what I thought would be short-ish-or at least shorter than **_**this**_** and then I ended up breaking the fourth wall! Woot-woot! Just so you know, Hidan is my favourite Akatsuki member, so I'm not picking on him because I hate but because I wove him and want his babies~! HOLY SHIT! A fangirl stole my laptop! *Gets out shotgun and kills random fangirl* Damn fangirl-bitches. But honestly, I **_**do**_** really like Hidan, he's hot, awesome...and mouthy, annoying, weird, psychotic and insane...I certainly choose my men well :D**

**Many thanks to; 'mewmewgodess', 'Tori-Da-Mutt', 'Yuti-Chan' and 'ylfrettub' for reviewing! ;)**

**Also, thank you for those of you that joined in with the voting-thingy, I will publish your other desired characters in the next few chapters :)**

**!Reviews are appreciated!**


	12. Purple

**A/N: Holy fudge-sticks! It's been over **_**three**_** months since I've updated this thing O.o Wow, didn't know it'd been **_**that**_** long! Well, I'm back now folks, I'm hoping to update this every now and then and not take so long next time :P Once again, this one is a request, so I hope you enjoy it :)**

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**THIS IS DEDICATED TO; 'mewmewgodess'! :)  
**

**DISCLAIMER: Seriously? If I owned Naruto it wouldn't have someone else's **_**name**_** on the cover of the books! God gave you eyes, **_**use**_** them!**

**(Itachi/Konan/Kakuzu/Deidara)**

"**Purple"**

Itachi always prided himself on being one of the most down-to-earth and sane members of the criminal organization; 'Akatsuki'.

However, how far his sanity stretched was another matter altogether. Just because he may be the sanest of them all, didn't make him completely sane.

Either way, he often carried himself off with a quiet confidence that got on everyone else's nerves.

The only thing Itachi wouldn't agree on is him being _manly_, he has long silky hair and equally long eyelashes for goodness sake! And although very few assumed he was a woman (mostly from behind), he didn't make the effort to change their opinion of him.

He loved collecting china sets, reading romance novels (when he thought no one else was looking), he bathed in expensive and feminine bubble bath and his room was painted _purple_.

Now, realistically, everyone would immediately assume Deidara to be a woman or in the very least, a _she-male_ and although he may look very much like one, he honestly didn't act like one. The closest Deidara came to being like a woman was his bitching and hair, otherwise, he was pretty manly...in a feminine, _gay_ sorta way.

Itachi _loved_ the colour purple, he'd always been fond of the colour, but it'd been in the last year or so that he'd actually started collecting knick-knacks and painted his room in the colour.

He'd fallen in love with the colour once he'd seen Konan dressed in a lilac kimono, which had beautiful gold and silver thread intricately sewn in a pattern of water lilies. She'd been modelling it for someone else's wedding. Konan owned her own wedding kimono/dress business and he'd become mesmerised with the colour ever since.

But, instead of Konan in that wedding Kimono, he'd pictured _himself_ wearing that _fine_ piece of silk.

Now he wasn't one for cross-dressing, but that was one _fine_ and elegant kimono that he would never stop molesting if he were to get his hands on it.

No one else aside from Konan knew of his purple room, she'd caught him molesting some pieces of fabric weeks ago and when she confronted him, he'd fallen to his knees, sobbing and revealed the whole sordid affair he'd been having with the colour purple and specifically that kimono ever since he'd seen them. He couldn't help it! They were the ones beckoning and flirting with him!

Konan had been sympathetic and understood his reasoning since she had the same issue with her slippers.

And then they'd both held each other and cried and cried and cried and cried and-yeah, you get the idea.

And that was how Kakuzu found them, clinging to each other and sobbing whilst kneeling on the floor as if they were in church praying to God. Pieces of material strung around them, most of them consisting of the colour purple and Kakuzu found himself wishing he'd stopped by earlier so that perhaps he and Konan could also have a good cry. He needed some lovin' too-dammit!

So he left, sniffling into his empty wallet that held moths there against their will and decided that perhaps later he should feed them to Petri, the poor thing hadn't been eating right since he'd almost dropped that large sack of coins on him.

It was a week later that Itachi came to find a package inside his room, wrapped up neatly; he'd been excited like a schoolgirl about to reveal her feelings to her one-time crush. Locking his bedroom door he jumped upon his bed and delicately _ripped the fucker open_!

And lo-behold! It was the very same kimono that Konan had made a month back!

His eyes overflowing with tears of insane delight that was much better than any orgasm and curiously lifted the note he found placed upon the dress.

_Itachi,_

_I thought you would like to have it, all things considered. I hope you can finally reveal your feelings once and for all-go for it! The colour will match your hair perfectly!_

_P.S. It seems I took the wrong measurements for the kimono, the bride in-question was at least three stone larger than the size of that one I made. So, it's all yours. It _should_ fit you nicely ;)_

_Konan xx_

Itachi had never been so happy in his life! He was going to try it on straight away!

And he did.

He even wore the kimono to dinner that night; everyone wondered why Itachi wasn't there for dinner and who the new lady was. Deidara had been the only to find out it was Itachi when he'd accidentally walked in on him taking a leak in the bathroom.

The blond bomber had died laughing. Well...almost.

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**A/N: I honestly have **_**no**_** idea where that came from, all I could think of was the colour purple and what's strange is that purple isn't even my favourite colour! Either way, I hope you enjoyed it, the next one will be another request since I **_**did**_** say I'd do all of them, I only have one left to do :) I'll probably hold another request in the future, but after the next request I wanna focus on some of the other characters that haven't had a chappie so far :D**

**Many thanks to; 'Yuti-Chan', 'xelacy', 'ylfrettub', 'mewmewgodess' and 'Riayna Darkheart' for reviewing! :D**

**!Reviews are appreciated!**


	13. Orange

**A/N: I'm SO sorry that I haven't updated in such a LONG time! I feel terrible, I really do. However, I'd done a six-week work experience programme before Christmas and have only recently got my enthusiasm back for my writing. I've also started a new story called; 'Just Purrfect!' it's revolved around a character-SLIGHTLY similar to myself and the Akatsuki, that story has humour, drama and eventual romance, so if you like that sorta thing, then I suggest you take a looky :)**

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**THIS IS DEDICATED TO; 'Yuti-Chan' :) Sorry for the wait!**

**MANY THANKS TO; 'meh', 'ylfrettub' and 'Dust Bunnies Anonymous' for their awesome reviews! :D**

**DISCLAIMER: Seriously? If I owned Naruto it wouldn't have someone else's **_**name**_** on the cover of the books! God gave you eyes, **_**use**_** them!**

**(Deidara/Tobi/mentions of other characters)**

"**Orange"**

Deidara hates the colour orange.

In fact, everyone he came across detested the vibrant colour as well.

Of course, he'd never state his dislike of the colour around Pein, since his Leader's hair is orange and the pierced man also seems to have a fascination with all things orange. That would definitely explain the orange juice faze he went through and the depression he endured afterwards when Konan made him stop drinking the acidic liquid and gave him tea instead.

It also reminded him of the time he failed to capture the Kyuubi jinchuuriki, oh boy, did the other members rub _that_ one in his face for _months_ afterwards. Even so, Naruto? Was that his name? Anyway, the Kyuubi brat wore an orange and black jump suit which despite Deidara stating the reasons that he failed to capture the Kyuubi was that the boy was too strong for him and not to be underestimated. Realistically, he'd actually failed to capture the younger blond since he was too busy shielding his eyes from the sun that reflected off of the bright orange suit, the younger blond had been chasing him for the Shukaku jinchuuriki and instead of taking Gaara and _leaving_, the blond just had to stay long enough to almost blind him!

Whenever he was reminded of that particular failure, he'd often wonder who'd be so stupid to compose their entire outfit of orange?

And immediately after thinking that, he'd be reminded of _Tobi._

Oh, how he _loathed_ that man-child! He was the reason for Deidara sporting a few grey hairs in his usually sleek and shiny blond locks that would make him a pro on one of those shampoo adverts. He could certainly do it...the hair swish that is.

Tobi is the bane of his existence, the thorn in his side, the fly in his soup, the weed in his patio, the cat poop on his lawn, the junk mail in his post, the hole in his blanket, the scratch on his favourite DVD, the chip in his plate and well, you get the basic idea.

So yes, the blond bomber was indeed _very_ sick of the colour orange, he didn't think he could take much more!

And it was only when Deidara had walked in on Itachi in a purple wedding kimono did he laugh hysterically, not only because his hated rival was wearing women's clothing and that he suited it, but because he was finally free from the wretched colour that haunts his mind day-and-night.

Maybe he should think of taking up cross-dressing?

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**A/N: Hmm, not as good as my other ones and I'm sorry it's so short, the next one will be better and hopefully longer :)**

**PLEASE REVIEW!**


	14. Internet

**A/N: Hey there, let's just say that I'm **_**really**_** astounded that I haven't typed a drabble on Sasori yet, how could I forget about **_**him**_**? Anywho, this one, in my opinion (-though I'm fully aware you're not asking for it) this one is better than the previous one. I just had a random smack of inspiration (-no, literally, it hit me in-between the eyes), so go and read! :D**

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**MANY THANKS TO; 'Dak Hamee' and 'Peace love and BTR' for your reviews! You can both have some cookies :D**

**DISCLAIMER: Seriously? If I owned Naruto it wouldn't have someone else's **_**name**_** on the cover of the books! God gave you eyes, **_**use**_** them!**

**(Sasori/slight Itachi)**

"**Internet"**

Now, contrary to belief, but Sasori-yes, the puppet master and supposedly terrifying Sasori of the red sands is actually _very_ strange.

Oh, don't give me _that_ look; of course I know he's not entirely human!

...yes, I also know the rest of the Akatsuki aren't exactly altogether average in looks (and often) brains department.

Anywho, Sasori-the aforementioned is very annoyed and it has _nothing_ to do with tardiness and Deidara.

In fact, he'd COUGHborrowedHACK Itachi's computer and began to play about with it (and no, I _don't_ know why he has Itachi's computer, okay, you wanna know how? Well I'll tell you how!)

BIBBITY-BOBBITY-BOO!

Hey presto! The computer magically teleported into his...err...workshop...yeah!

Now, I know he's made out of wood and doesn't have a brain, so how the fuck is he supposed to know how to use technology?

Oh c'mon! There's nothing saying _anywhere_ that he has a bloody brain amidst all his puppetry wooden body, so nyeh! He _can't_ think, but for the sake of not wanting to offend the masses and because I'll most likely forget later that I even wrote that he has no brain and he'll become all super-zen-genius on us, I decided that he could have _some_ intelligence. Yes, I'm just that generous, no need to thank me, _really_.

Okay, thank me, go on, I love praise! GIVE ME PRAISE DAMMIT!

AHEM!

So anyway, Sasori was playing on Itachi's computer (got a feeling I've already typed this part) because he had nothing better to do and no, fangirls, he doesn't simply make puppets _all_ the effing time, he does have other hobbies (of which you'll find out in later chapters because I'm BOSS like that at making you all wait-boohoo!).

Naturally he'd become so competent with technology he found himself on the mystical world of the internet~! WOOOO!

Now, the first thing he did was type into Google search for BOOBIES and trust me, he wasn't impressed with the results he got, most of them being of obese _older_ women that were showing off their wrinkly old bean bags of a so called pair of breasts, others were all covered up and were merely showing off their obviously fake cleavages. And don't even get me started about the squirrel holding its non-existent breasts with its paws...how in God's name did they get the squirrel to do _that_ pose? Not that I've looked or anything...

Sasori is as old fashioned as they come...his body was made out of my dining table for goodness sake! Ooohhh, my poor table, how you suffered so...and replacing you was so difficult cos I is so poor!

Anywho, after approximately 2.1 minutes on the BOOBIES, he then focused his mind on another thing that had been bothering him.

Just what the _heck_ is yaoi?

He'd heard Pein mention it once, yes, you heard correctly.

What? It's a well-known fact that the leader is a complete loony so this shouldn't surprise you.

So, he hummed a sweet little tune and tapped his fake fingers on the desk waiting for the page to load and holy-Jesus-Christ-on-a-bicycle! He finally knew what yaoi was and let's just say my friends, that he _never_ went on the internet ever again.

And just in case you were wondering, Itachi found his computer a little while later and proceeded to have a nosebleed over the smexy yaoi-induced images he found on there. Suffice to say, he now found his new fix other than the colour; purple and was gonna exploit the _fuck_ out of it!

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**A/N: Well, I think this one is much better than the last one I typed :) Still, this is my first Sasori-anything, so I hope it was alright...kinda broke the fourth wall again, lol XD**

**PLEASE REVIEW!  
**


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